The Choices We Make and Regrets

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Couple days ago I read an article about what people most regret before they die. An Australian author Bronnie Ware worked with old people, those who were facing death, and as a result of this she decided to write a book about it. These top five regrets are:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Truth to be said I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my life and choices I have made and have yet to make, but a lot of times I find myself in a limbo of what I really feel in my heart as opposed to what I think I should do to make others around me happy…or to be more exact, what should I do to make my parents happy. It’s hard to make a choice knowing that you will cause heartache for your parents with it. Long time ago I made a choice to leave everything behind, including a loving man in my life, and went to the United States to pursue my dream – that was then to see more of the world, learn language and get part of the American Dream everyone was talking about. I really didn’t have much clue what was going to happen, but that I was going to be an AuPair and take care of three little boys in Potomac, MD.

I didn’t think I was going to stay in the USA for more than a year, but something in me wanted to experience more, and I stayed longer…and then started my studies in a community college, then worked as a barista and a waitress, then continued my studies in a university, doing internships in Johns Hopkins University Conference Services and Starwood Hotels…and then working as a management trainee in one of these big hotels of Starwood. All this made me stay for 7 years in the States, but then certain things happened in my family back at home and in my personal life that made me make a decision to come back to my home country. The decision came all of a sudden, but I had reached to a point where it just seemed the best solution at that time. Now I’ve put into a position where I could make a choice to go back to the States, but this is where I have to think about my parents…I know it would break my mom’s heart if I’d leave again, but would I be happy to stay in Estonia and make my mom happy or leave and perhaps cause her another health problem with my decision? Well…this is something that I have to deal with in my heart…tough decisions to make…

I’ve been back now for 6 months…and just yesterday I bought plane tickets to go see my friends in the States (and to those who think I make good money in Estonia – no, this was bought with my 401K (retirement fund) money return that I didn’t reallocate into some other fund when I left the U.S. – I make probably 3 times less in Estonia than I did in the States – so no, I could not afford a trip like this with my current salary). One of my friends in Estonia, who also had been living in the States, said she wouldn’t have gone back to visit so fast…that she would have been more practical about this money…gone traveling in Europe instead. I actually was thinking like this at first myself –  was planning a trip to Italy, but the more time passed, the more I started to miss my friends in the States. The fact that I am all alone in my town, just with one friend and have had just one outing with my coworkers, doesn’t really help (That being said, I have to say that I have the coolest coworkers at the moment  - its fun to work with them, and I just wish we’d go out more :) ) //on a side note, I’m also part of my company’s band – playing keyboard and singing back  - which brings also joy and lets me survive//

Also, this winter has been quite hard on me – I live in an apartment building with 8 units, an old house from 1950′s I think, that does not have much isolation, and that is mostly heated by firewood stoves/fireplaces. My routine here has been to wake up, put half a case into furnace, then go to work, come back from work, put another case of firewood in to fireplace, and keep an eye on it. It’s been tough, and cold, and one morning when I had to get 10 cases of firewood from the shed, and it was -25 Fahrenheit cold outside, I almost started to cry because it was just soooo frustrating…I couldn’t even open the lock of the shed…it was just frozen…took me 10 minutes to warm it up with my hands and blowing air on it to get it open. And then I had to fill the 10 cases and carry it from outside shed to inside, second floor apartment. I think they just should do the Survivor show in a cold weather we have here up north, not in a tropical weather. Well that would be a show I would watch :D

Anyhow, its getting warmer, its still in minus degrees, but forecast says its going to be 0 degrees Celsius soon, so I am living in that spirit that soon the worst is over.

So back to those regrets people have before they die…I think everyone should take a look at those regrets and rethink their lives, and perhaps follow more their dreams and follow those above-mentioned truths…I know I will again do a lot of thinking what do I really want from my life, because I don’t want to live a life with regrets. I don’t want to live with a thought ‘if I could have, if I would have done this…then…’. We only live once, and we should embrace the opportunities and experiences that life brings us, whether they are good or bad, bring us heart ache or joy….it all makes us stronger and better people…or so I would hope. Yes I have some things in the past I am not very proud of doing or saying, but at that moment these were my decisions, the choices I made, and they have made me the person I am today. Personal life wise, yes, I have dated some jerks,some great guys and turned down some good and bad guys, but these were choices I made, and I have to live with these decisions, and I think I have learned from these experiences, and therefore can make better decisions in the future.

I don’t know where I will be in a year or what I will be doing – I might be living happily ever after in Pärnu, Estonia, somewhere else in European Union, or back in the States, but don’t worry, I will keep you updated:) Life is what we make of it, or what do you think?

“YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD TO SET ANOTHER GOAL OR TO DREAM ANOTHER DREAM”
C.S. Lewis

Let’s Talk about LOVE

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Love…one of the most searched word in the Internet, the word that makes us smile, the word that makes us cry, the word that makes us want to fly, or even die…the feeling…love…so much in it, but so many times, we can’t get enough of it.

Sometimes it can hurt so much…love…the unanswered love…the love that ended, the love that faded away, but yet we learn so much about it and about ourselves in the process, and here’s to the hoping that we learn from our mistakes. Eh, but what if we don’t, and we keep making the same mistakes over and over again? Some might call those fools, but having been that fool myself, I’d say I’m a hopeless romantic…someone who can get burnt countless times, but still believes in love and hopes that one day, the Right One will come and sweep me off my feet…and keeps doing that til the end of our days…or til death us apart.

A Laugh for Today:)

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First of all, Happy New Year!

I had planned to post a while ago, but ran into a writer’s block. Then I had planned to start off the new year with a very meaningful post (not that my last posts were not of that nature, but the first blog of 2012 should be something about my new year’s resolutions or smth like that). Anyhow, as I am planning to do some traveling in Europe this year, I discovered that you can request a special European Health Insurance Card specifically for travel purposes in EU (you have to be a EU citizen to be eligible however, sorry my non-EU folks!).  So today received this card, and I was about to rant off why the card is in Estonian only (how in the world are the Greeks or Italians ie. supposed to understand Estonian!), why aren’t there any phone numbers to contact Estonian health care system, but thought I would do some research first and see perhaps it looks the same in all EU countries or something. So I googled “European health insurance card” and boom! I got to the main EU page of it. While my computer was being slow as a snail, and didn’t start the video provided on the page, I read about the benefits of this card. Let me quote:  ”The card ensures that you will get the same access to public sector health care (e.g. a doctor, a pharmacy, a hospital or a health care centre) as nationals of the country you are visiting. The card ensures that you will get the same access to public sector health care (e.g. a doctor, a pharmacy, a hospital or a health care centre) as nationals of the country you are visiting.” There’s more, and it comes out that in some countries it does look similar, but in some doesn’t. However, the physicians in all EU countries should accept it to treat you. You can read more about the card over here.

Anyhow, so if you are non-European citizen (Hey my friends in the USA, Trinidad, Jamaica, St. Lucia, India, Australia, Nigeria, Ghana, elsewhere in  Africa, Middle-East, South America, Asia!) or just passing by,  you might be scratching your head and think how in the world this story about the EU health insurance card is supposed to make you laugh or at least smirk??!!!! Well, If you didn’t click on the link above yet, please do (hold up, not before reading the end of this blog:)), because the video to advertise the benefits of this card, is what gave me the laugh for today. First I thought that was some kind of a joke and I had got to a wrong web page, because never in the world would you think that this video is something to do with your health or how this person in the video should need it. Well, all I can say, that I just loved it:) Almost unpredictable ;)
Ok, you can click now HERE:) for the commercial:)
As a bonus, UK has made a commercial to pursue its citizens to get this card in a different way http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXkiPSJk8-k
And another commercial for EHIC http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sPGhBvAFqE&feature=related. I must admit however, that the first one is my favorite:)

Hope you enjoy the laugh:)

Scenic Early Morning Ride

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I wanted to share some pictures from my early morning bus ride from Pärnu to Jõgeva. It was a drive in a  ”get to know your country” spirit, because it stops in many little villages and instead of less than two-hour drive by car, the bus ride takes three hours.The fog this morning created special beauty to the scenery which was worth capturing. I didn’t have my camera, but surprisingly my HTC HD2 phone took gorgeous photos, and as some of my friends said, “looked like painting”. Hope you enjoy!

Thoughts on a Bus Ride

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Todays’ entry is actually couple days old, but as I was busy hosting my mom, I had to postpone the entry. Anyhow, here are my thoughts from October 1st:

Today is an amazing autumn day. It’s chilly, but not too cold, and the sun is shining in its glory. Yesterday was a similar day, but much warmer and Estonia was having record high temperatures for the last day of September. Some places even 22 degrees Celsius (about 72 degrees Fahrenheit), and the news reported of seeing people on the beaches. This weather reminded me more of the Fall weather in Maryland, on the East coast of the States. I loved the Fall in there just because it had the warmth, but also the colors of the traditional Fall. However, it wasn’t Estonia. Something was missing in this equation, and it was the feeling of being at home, among your people and your culture.
While I’m writing this, I’m on my way back from Tallinn to Pärnu. The bus ride takes about 2 hours and 10 minutes, and its driving through Märjamaa (Wetland). I love the scenery of Estonia – So much empty land, so many trees, then some wetlands, and some lonely houses on the side of the road and on the fields. We pass freshly cultivated fertile fields and I can almost smell the compost that’s put on the fields to make it even more fertile for the next season. Estonia has all four seasons, and although traditionally we have a lot of dark time, the few sunny days like today will load you up with the energy and positivity to put up the long and cold winter.

Couple last days Estonian news have been writing and talking about how many people leave Estonia. In fact, Estonia has the highest emigration among all European countries. For every 1000 people, 3.3 people leave the country. It’s sad, but I can understand them because I was once one of these people, and I am not going to swear that now that I’m back, I will never leave the country again. I might. European Union has a free workforce movement, and without a fuss with work permits, work visas or green cards like in the States, you can go and work in any country belonging to European Union. That’s one of the reasons why I was attracted to come back aside from family reasons. Why to be a stranger in a foreign country and constantly think whether or how long you can work there legally or not. I didn’t want to live in a constant fear of being deported out like a lot of immigrants in the US do. I felt life is too short to add stress with that. I also did not want to get married just for the sake of getting a green card, although my ex-boyfriend suspected me in that. The only way I was going to marry in the States, would have been for love. This never happened, but about that perhaps some other time. That being said, I am not the one to judge those who do choose the opposite way out. They all have their reasons, and sometimes it’s the only way to have a chance for better life. My advantage was that I was still young, and I was blessed enough to meet the right people, be in right places at the right time, so I was able to go to school, graduate with honors, and get work experience in one of the biggest hotel chains in the world. More information about the migration rates all over the world offers The World Factbook by CIA.

 

I don’t know how I got from enjoying Estonian autumn weather to talking about immigration, but anyhow. Although I am unemployed in my own country, and not even getting any support money because I wasn’t working in the EU for 7 years, I am happy to be back. I can enjoy life, Estonia, the nature, and even the sometimes grumpy and rude people in the stores, where someone rarely says “Excuse me” when bumping into you, or asking “How are you?” when you get to the cash registry. It’s OK, not all people are like that, and it’s just the hard life that makes people to be so serious and seem unfriendly. Once you get to know them, they appear to be very warm people and more hospitable than you would ever expect. For example, when I was waiting for the bus to take off, there were couple young men coming on the bus, and one of them had a big smile on his face, he said hello and complemented an old lady with a hat, and said hello to me with a smile. He also smiled when he got off the bus; and even woke up an old man to notify that we were at a Märjamaa stop, making sure he didn’t sleep in his stop. It was very nice of him, and quite rare, but again not so rare. I just hope people around the world would find joys in little things, and smile and be more friendly with each other more often.

Relaxing & Rejuvenating Spa

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Past couple of days me and my mom have been visiting one fine Spa and Sauna Center in Tervis Medical Spa, in one of many great spas in Estonia. The spa traditions are quite old here. According to Estonian Spa Association,  ’Spas in the present meaning of the word were established as early as in the 1820- 40’s.’ I have my own theory about why Estonia has so many spas as it has. It might be something to do with the fact that geographically in a place where there is not much sun, and most of the time people tuck themselves in layers of clothes because of cold weather. Spas give us the opportunity to enjoy something revitalizing and warming when there’s lack of sun – an escape from a rainy/snowy cold weather. Anyways, that’s just my biased view on the situation.

Back to the Spa experience. To ensure a clean experience, the spa states visitor’s rules, and hereby I will bring out couple of them:

  • Be sure to wash yourself without swimwear and remove make-up from your face before entry to the Spa and Sauna Centre.
  • Please visit the sauna in the shower room without swimwear. Make steam moderately and take into account also other guests in the sauna.
Sure enough, after all these rituals, we entered the spa area. The spa features different kinds of saunas, starting with the Finnish sauna by the shower area, and continuing with Infrared sauna, Aroma sauna, Steam bath (Turkish sauna), and Salt sauna. I must say I did not feel much aroma in Aroma sauna, but the Turkish sauna was very steamy, in a way that you can’t really see inside much. It’s relaxing, and if it’s not too busy day, you can even lay down and breathe the steam in. It’s especially good with people with respiratory problems, such as asthma, bronchitis, sinusitis. Not to even mention how good the steam is for your skin, and pores. If you’ve been to the beautician, then you know what I’m talking about, but in the steam room, there’s much more of the steam, and it’s directed all over your body, not just your face with clogged pores :) More of the benefits of steam room and other types of sauna, you can read in here.
Whenever between different saunas I felt too hot, I jumped into the pool of 28 degrees Celsius/82.4 degrees Fahrenheit. Ahh, that’s what’s life is about, I felt. It was just so relaxing.
Salt sauna was something new even to me. My parents have a sauna in their house, and I vaguely remember them scrubbing themselves with salt and honey, but not to the extension of how it was in the Spa. When you enter the salt sauna, there are two narrow and long cradles filled with rough sea salt, which, you are supposed to rub on your skin everywhere you reach, except not above your nose, because otherwise you would run out and look for the nearest shower to get the salt out of your eyes. After you rub yourself into salt, you sit back and relax in there for 25 minutes. While you relax, you can continue rubbing your skin, and you really don’t need all the expensive shower scrubs to get rid of dead skin cells, simple sea salt will do the trick, as I learned. After these 25 minutes were over, we showered ourselves in a circular shower, and boy, was my skin smooth or what? My skin felt so smooth, all the roughness, even from elbows was gone.
Next was to experience Japanese bath, 41 C/105.8 F, which is a tad bit hot when you walk into it, but your body adjust fast and then you can feel the relaxation to your body. There are built-in benches inside the water and it’s quite easy to lay your head on a curved surface, which relaxes you even more. Unfortunately or fortunately, it’s not recommended to stay there for more than 20 minutes, because it is quite hot, and it will wear you out and can cause exhaustion. So from this hot bath, there are couple of options to choose of to cool down  - the pool or jacuzzi of 34 C/93.2 F. I remember from couple of Jacuzzi visits in the States, that I could not sit there for too long because it was too hot. This one in Pärnu Tervis Medical Spa, seemed even too cool at first, but in order to enjoy the massaging pressure of the air in jacuzzi, it was just right, and today I did not even want to leave it. One side massage was stronger than the other side’s, so whenever possible, I sat on the stronger pressure side and felt how my muscles, muscle tensions, and extra pounds were massaged through to the fullest. Ah, what a life! Pictures and more about the relaxation choices in the spa you can read/see on the following link.
Prices for 3 hour spa use before 9am, is quite a deal. Retired people can get it for 3.50 Euros, adults for 3.80. After 9am, the prices almost double. But I can honestly say it’s all worth the money. In that jacuzzi, you can get a better massage than paying for 45 minute regular massage about 40-50 Euros. 3.80 Euros vs 40 Euros, I think you agree, which one is the winner here. Although I won’t deny that some professional massages by GREAT massage therapists, are worth all this money too. It’s just that being still unemployed with no income, I am a bargain hunter. Can you blame me for that?
So morale/pep talk of this blog entry is to come to Estonia, and make visiting a spa like this one, a MUST. Estonia has so much to offer, so come for a week or two at least, to take the most advantage of what it has to offer. You will fall in love for sure.
For closure, I have included a picture of Pärnu Mud Spa building, which is not too far from Tervis Medical Spa, but is the symbol of spa culture in here, built in 1926-1927. It currently does not operate, but as I hear, it has a new owner and there are big development plans with it. To be continued…:)

Pärnu Mudaravila - mud spa

Down Time

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It’s Saturday morning, I’m having my morning coffee and 5-grain porridge. To memorize my times in the USA, my coffee is in a Starbucks Washington DC coffee mug with Washington Memorial and cherry blossoms. PS. Kefir that you see on a photo below is good for your digestive system and the jar of honey, is to sweeten my coffee instead of sugar.

In a sense it still feels like I’m dreaming and that I’m still in Maryland. There are a lot of things that I miss and lot of things that I don’t miss at all. I miss the diversity, my friends, and working. For a person, who was always on a go for 7 years in the States, not having much time off, I feel like I’m not doing much at all these days. And for some days it really is like this – I don’t even get out of my PJ’s until in the afternoon. In the same time it feels good to take some time off, enjoy the Fall, Baltic sea, Pärnu, eating Estonian cuisine and watching Estonian TV shows.

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For the past 3 weeks I’ve had kind of a “writer’s block”. First I was just waiting to get the high speed internet, but now that I have it, I’ve spent time on searching for jobs, and brainstorming what to do with my life now that I’m back home. Meanwhile I had a job interview in one of the biggest hotels in Tallinn, in one hotel in Pärnu, and celebrated my old choir’s 15th anniversary with beautiful Estonian choir music and ending it with an awesome dance night with girls.

To make the most of my unemployed time, I was searching for ways to educate myself and if possible with little or no money. Sure enough being part of European Union has brought some benefits of having some classes funded by EU. Anyhow, I found a course teaching how to start a company and do accounting for it with the help of a Practice Company. I had taken accounting classes in Morgan State, but I had no clue of accounting definitions in Estonian. So when I had to take the test in able to enter the course, I didn’t have much time to practice or do some research, so when I looked at the test, I was like what the heck is Aktiva and Passiva??? Anyhow, by now I have learned that Aktiva is the equivalent of Assets side and Passiva is the equivalent of Liabilities’ and Equity combined in the accounting equation. Assets = Liabilities + Capital. To illustrate it with “Rich Dad Poor Dad” Robert Kiyosaki words – Rich people acquire assets. The poor and middle class acquire liabilities, that they think are assets. Assets is what brings you money, liabilities something that takes money out of your pocket. I’m reading this book as we speak on my Amazon Kindle. Who wouldn’t want to be their own boss and have money work for you not you work for money? Who hasn’t read that book already, you should, and if I could, I make it mandatory already for middle school. It’s inspirational and one of my daily activities is to brainstorm how to get out of the “Rat race” and have my own company that makes me money :)

Anyhow, aside from the class and reading, I’ve been using my high speed to communicate with people, and not just old friends, but to meet new friends. I’ve “met” couple interesting people whose stories are worth a blog entry itself. So probably couple of my next entries will be about these people.

Time to say Goodbye, sings Sarah Brightman while I’m writing the closure to my blog. Hope you have a beautiful day, and enjoy everything this life has to offer, from sunshine to rain on your cheeks, and people that surround you. The grass seems always greener on the other side, but it doesn’t mean you will enjoy it when you get to that other side. So just take the most of what you have right now :)